How to... apologize.

The "How To" series - This blog series focuses on helping men with the "how to's" of living a God-Centered life.

#3 - How To... apologize.

One thing we all struggle with is going to someone and telling them WE were wrong...

We never have a problem telling someone else how THEY were wrong but how about when we blow it.  How do we take responsibility and apologize when we have done something  wrooo... wroooooooo...  wrooooooooooooooong?  Whew! Got that out.  


In Matthew Chapter 5, Jesus tells us what we need to do when we are wrong and need to make something right...

²¹ “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ ²² But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. ²³ So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, ²⁴ leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.


Here are some practical how to's when we remember we need to apologize...

1) Own it.  Stop trying to put it on someone or something else.  If you were wrong then step up and own it as your fault.  Children blame others.  An adult takes responsibility for themselves.   

2) Admit it.  Thinking it may be one thing but saying it out loud and hearing yourself say it is totally another matter.  (You could practice in front of the mirror or with a friend.  Sound fun?  Not really.) 

3) Confess it.  Go to the person you wronged and tell them you were wrong and you apologize.  Attitude is everything.  If you don't mean it then it doesn't count!  Also, let them tell you anything they need to.  Be sure to listen without justifying anything.  Those of you in recovery know this as "making amends".  

4) Make it right.  Ask them what you can do to make it right.

Thank God for the grace He gave you to take a courageous step.  Be someone who is always quick to make it right when you have done wrong.  

Dare to dream. Dare to do. Dare to be!

Tom Michaels Zahradnik is a minister and chaplain who serves as CEO of Sound of Life, Inc.  You can connect with Tom at Rubicon Ministries by going to CrossYourRubicon.org.  Tom and his wife, Cathleen, host the monthly Cross Your Rubicon podcast.  Cathleen also hosts the blog, "Real Life Chats", focused on helping women build a God-centered life.

How to... have a daily connecting time with God that is meaningful and intentional.

The "How To" series - This blog series focuses on helping men with the "how to's" of living a God-Centered life.

Listen to my introduction...

#2 - How To... have a meaningful, intentional daily time with God?

The Bible not meant to inform us. It is meant to transform us.

So how do we grow our daily relationship with our Creator.  One key way is by having a daily 10 minute quiet time with God.  How do you do that?  Here's how...

Tools you need:
A Bible you can write in, a journal or small notebook, a pen, and a highlighter.

These steps will seem a little sterile at first but be faithful and remember it is about a relationship and not a check list.  So let's start.

1) Find a quiet place where you can be with God.  This needs to be a place you will meet with God everyday.

2) Say short prayer inviting God to be a part of your time. (This is the whole point of having this time – being with God to let Him speak to you through His word)
Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law. (Psalms 119:18 NIV)

3) Choose a book in the Bible. It is best to start in the gospels: John first then Mark and then Luke and Matthew.

4) Start reading a chapter and circle works and phrases that stand out to you. Mark your Bible.Don't be afraid to circle words for highlight phrases or verses.

5) After several verses, select one verse that you marked and write it out in your journal or notebook. (You could highlight that verse in your Bible as well.)

6) Read over that verse… PAUSE, WAIT, THINK… What is God saying to you about that verse? Wait for it… wait for it…

7) Write two or three sentences of why that verse is meaningful to you. What is God saying to YOU? Why are you connecting with this verse?

8) Pray to God about what you wrote. You can even write out a prayer if you want.

9) Pick up where you left off tomorrow.

REMEMBER:
This is about an appointment with God each day. It is about a relationship with your Creator. To simply go through the exercise and check off these steps and say you did misses the point. It is about an intentional relationship with God and letting Him speak to you.

How To... become a devoted follower of Jesus?

The "How To" series - This blog series focuses on helping men with the "how to's" of living a God-Centered life.

#1 - How To... become a devoted follower of Jesus?

There has always been a longing in my heart. There has always been an ache.  I want my life to have significance. I want my life to mean something. I want my life to make a difference.  I came to realize that the God who created me put that longing in me.  He has put it in you, too.  Now, if you don't believe in a Divine Being then you should stop reading right now.  If you truly hold to your belief of no God and you hold to the idea that we all "just happened" through random selection, then there is no reason for you to keep on reading or to keep on living for that matter.  You have no purpose.  But if you do believe, or want to believe, there is a God, then read on.

So how do you and I answer that longing, that call to live a life of significance? 

It all starts with knowing the One who put that longing in our heart.  It starts with a daily relationship with your Creator.  It starts with a surrendered life to God by giving our life back to Him to live His purposes for our life rather than living for ourselves.  It starts with being God-centered rather than self-centered.  It's a choice.

For me that first decision came on February 19, 1982.  You can read the details in my first Cross Your Rubicon blog post.  But the long and short of it is I reached a point of desperation. I was at the end of myself.  Are you there yet? Are you really desperate? Are you willing to give up all your self-centered efforts for a God-centered life?  If not, come back when you are.  If you are, then read through this simple prayer.  If it conveys your desperation then pray it with intention and meaning to the God who created you...

"God, my life is yours. It was always yours but I selfishly have been living it for me and not you.  I have messed it up living it without You involved. I give it back to You now. Would you forgive me and fix me and change me to be what you intended?  I now see and know the cruelty that Jesus went through on the cross was meant for me.  It was not just a historical fact that You died on a cross, but a personal reality for me.  You did that for me because You knew I would screw up my life and choices, and because of Your great love for me.  I don't deserve it, but I accept Your grace and Your love and Your forgiveness.  Thank you, Jesus.  My life is now Yours.  Amen." 

Did anything happen?  Yes, it did.  If you didn't feel anything, that's OK. You don't need to feel truth in order for it to be real in your life.  If you were honest with God and believe Him, then you are now His.  This is why:  "But to all who did receive him,  who believed in his name,  he gave the right  to become  children of God,  who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God." (John 1:12, 13 ESV)  Jesus said that about you and about me.

Your life is no longer about you, it is about God.  Your life has significance because you were made in God's image and you belong to Him.  You are not your own. You were bought with a price. 

So now what?  Follow through with what I call the "4 Gets"...

• Get real - Let me know about your decision.  Don't hide it.  Tell someone.  Either me or someone else.  You can e-mail me at tom@CrossYourRubicon.org. 

• Get a mentor  - Find a man you know that knows Jesus and tell them about your decision. Ask him to help you grow in your newfound relationship to God.  Don't know someone?  Then that can be your second prayer to God.  "God, please send me a mentor." Watch how He does it!

• Get a Bible - The NIV version is a good one to use.  Read a chapter a day starting in the gospel of John then read Matthew, Mark and Luke.  (I'll talk to you about having an intentional daily time with God by reading the Bible in the next blog.) 

• Get connected - Find a small group of men you can get together with to grow and learn to live a God-centered life.  (I'll talk more about this in a later blog as well).

Don't forget the 4 Gets!  For now, welcome to an exciting and challenging journey to live a God-centered life.

Dare to dream. Dare to do. Dare to be!

Tom Michaels Zahradnik is a minister and chaplain who serves as CEO of Sound of Life, Inc.  You can connect with Tom at Rubicon Ministries by going to CrossYourRubicon.org.  Tom and his wife, Cathleen, host the monthly Cross Your Rubicon podcast.  Cathleen also hosts the blog, "Real Life Chats", focused on helping women build a God-centered life.

Cross Your Rubicon and Real Life Chats - reloaded

The day is finally come. The launching of our new website, CrossyourRubicon.org. To celebrate I'm going to give you a very special blogger to the Cross Your Rubicon blog, Cathleen Zahradnik as we reload both of our blogs and she shares the heart of Cross Your Rubicon...


Out of the Box
By Cathleen Zahradnik

I have taken a pretty significant break from blogging. Not because I've been exceptionally busy. I’m always busy. I felt my blog needed to be more focused and purposeful. So I've waited until I felt I had a better handle on what to write about and why.

From here on out “Real Life Chats” is designed to encourage and inspire you to live “outside the box”, reach beyond your perceived boundaries and be all that you were intended to be, all that God created you to be. Even if I don’t say it specifically, I am sharing my journey with you.

Dare to dream. So what does it mean to live “outside the box”? First, it means that you dare to dream. Those little daydreams that you ignore…take a look at them. Inside those daydreams is the kernel of a real dream deep inside you. Many of us don’t allow ourselves to dream. It’s impractical. It’s dangerous. If we pay attention to our dreams we might begin to feel dissatisfied with life as it is and when we feel dissatisfied, we are uncomfortable. When we feel uncomfortable, all we want to do is get comfortable again.

As a fellow box lover, I understand. It’s scary out there, outside the box. The box is safe and comfortable. I know where the boundaries are. But outside the limits of the box is a fulfillment that is not possible inside it. Take the risk. Dare to dream.

Dare to do. The good thing about feeling uncomfortable is that you become motivated to do something. At first, you’ll probably try to go back to things the way they were, which is usually impossible. Then you are forced to try something new. Why wait until the circumstances force you to explore? Go for it! Start moving toward your dream. You make progress one step at a time. Before you know it you will be so far beyond the borders of your box that there will be no going back. Take a step. Dare to do.

Dare to be. What happens as you take your risks, step outside your box? You begin to change. Not only have you moved toward your dream and done some things you never thought were possible, you begin to see life differently. You begin to see yourself differently. When you see yourself differently, you begin to see life differently.

Are you ready? Stepping outside the box starts with a decision. Your decision. Others can pull you out and you’ll experience some of the same feelings. However, it’s only by your own choice to step out that you will fully experience the freedom and fulfillment that is available. It’s the difference between choosing to dive into a cool, pool of water and being pushed. Make the choice. Dive in. Live outside the box.

Dare to dream. Dare to do. Dare to be.

You can follow Cathleen's blog at http://reallifechats.blogspot.com

Get these seagulls off welfare!

Vacationing in Maine for a few days is always refreshing. For me, the ocean is my oasis and my greatest place of reflection. Our first full day I walked the beach at low tide and also stood just watching, thinking, praying.

I was, however, distracted by the presence of my least favorite part of the beach... seagulls! No movie has ever captured the personality and annoyance of these former wild birds of prey than "Finding Nemo". "Mine, mine, mine."



Now these beasts of (or birds of) burden hover, not over head to look for the latest fish feast, but bounce around on the ground for the latest human handout. They hang around me with their eyes saying, "Hey, Bud, got a cheese doodle? What about a fry or a crust of bread? Could you help a bird down on his luck?" What has happened? When did this begin? Who enabled these winged welfare beneficiaries for the first time? Can someone please teach them to fish again? Can we get these seagulls off of welfare???

I found hope when one of these gulls swooped down and grabbed a small crab crawling along the beach with perfection and lifted off only to be chased after by another with the look of entitlement in his face.

Now understand, tongue in cheek certainly is my method in this reflective story. I am also not implying that we not help those in need. Quite the contrary. We should always be mindful of those in need and help on a regular basis.

So what is my point? Simply put: don't just give handouts to have fun or to sooth your conscience. If you want to see culture changed then pray, make a plan and stick to it for the long hall. Help a person to change and then help them to help someone else to change.

This spiritual principle is offered by Paul the Apostle to his spiritual son in the faith, Timothy. "Timothy, my dear son, be strong through the grace that God gives you in Christ Jesus. You have heard me teach things that have been confirmed by many reliable witnesses. Now teach these truths to other trustworthy people who will be able to pass them on to others." (2 Timothy 2:1, 2 NLT) You are talking about four generations of change. That is the long hall!

Cross your Rubicon and commit to helping one life change.

I was King Arthur - today I am just me.

32 years seems like a long time.  That's because... it is!!  It was that long ago that Cathleen (my wife of 25 years) and I graduated from high school.  Quite a history she and I have together.  It was our senior year that she and I were cast opposite each other (again), this time in the musical "Camelot".  She as Guinevere and me as King Arthur.   By this point in our relationship we barely spoke off stage after rehearsals.  My fault, not hers.  Last night we went back to our high school to see "Camelot" being performed 32 years later.

 Cathleen had  been an acquaintance and a friend since elementary school.  In our sophomore year we were cast opposite each other in "Guys and Dolls".  She as Sarah Brown and me as Sky Masterson (Marlon Brando in the movie).  We enjoyed hanging out and rehearsing, yet as high school moved on I realized how open I was with Cathleen, and when you are an insecure high-schooler, that is not a good thing.  So, as the months moved on I distanced myself.  It was all for the best.  Had we stayed close the consequences could have been devastating.  You see, I was not a nice person.  The consequences suffered were endured by other young ladies.  I was pathetic, lost, and self-centered.

As we sat in the John Jay High School auditorium last night watching the drama club perform 

"Camelot" after 32 years, I was wondering how I would feel.  When the orchestra struck the first notes of the overture there was a rush of emotion from the memory.  Yet, I will tell you there is no desire to go back.  32 years later I am not the same man I was before.  Ask my wife.  She knows.  She knew me then and she knows me now.  Am I the highest example of perfection and physical prowess, like Lancelot?  Hardly.  Though... she may say so.  You see she is smitten with me and I with her!  Our life together has been progressive growth together centered on the God who created us for each other.  Jesus Christ makes good marriages that last.  Hard work, forgiveness, and trust in God.  That is all I can say about how our marriage has lasted and grown.

I think King Arthur got distracted, which is why he failed as a husband.  His dreams and Round Table became more important than the one person whom he shared those dreams with.  Camelot was his dream and it didn't last.  Neither did his marriage.  Mine?  Some bumps and hard times, but still growing strong.  Why?  I've learned to balance both dreaming AND living.  

Today I am not King Arthur.  I am just me and that is just fine! 

How about you?  Trying to be someone else or living in a dream?  Cross Your Rubicon and become who you were born to be!  

5 ways to experience God in person

Knowing about God and knowing God are two very different things.  To know about God is to be able to gather information relative to a "non relationship" with God.  Knowing God comes from the place of a personal and experiential relationship with the Creator of all.  It is not based solely on experience as that can be prone to subjective interpretation.  It is however based on someone who has "been with" God and who's life can give testimony to God's transforming power as expressed through scripture and the life of Jesus Christ.

So how can you KNOW God and not just know about Him?  I'll give you 5 places to start...
  
1)  In the scriptures -  There is no better place to discover who God is then in His Word, the Bible.  Regular time of reading and reflection in God's Word will bring a deeper understanding and knowing of the God who made you.  One place to find some great Bible reading plans is www.youversion.com 

2)  In helping someone else - Jesus Christ came to this earth to give his life away. Why should we expect anything less?  To know God is to meet needs in God's humanity.  If you are focusing on yourself then you are not focusing on God.  Find someone in need and help them.  You will know God is a deeper way.


3)  In the quiet - Make a regular part of your day to find a quiet uninterrupted time to sit quietly and listen.  It can be as little as 5 minutes. No reading, no talking.  Just a time of quiet and listening to the God who made you.  So what does He sound like?  Keeping listening and you'll know. 

4)  In a church - Now I don't mean a building.  That is not the church.  I mean be a part of a group of devoted followers of Jesus Christ committed to each other.  It is only in the context of community can you know God and grow in your relationship to Him.  Ask God to lead you to the group he wants you.  Also, don't let past hurts keep you from being a part of the body of Christ.

5)  In time's of suffering - It is these times that God seems the farthest but during these times He is truly the closest.  Joni Erickson Tadi, who has been in a wheel chair as a quadriplegic for over 40 years, shares each day as she wakes, "Oh, God.  Not another day of quadriplegia, of chronic pain, of someone else bathing me, of getting strapped into a corset.  Oh, God, please help me."  Joni then relates how grateful she is that her suffering has taught her to be dependent on the God who loves her.  In this she experiences His great grace and can give it greatly to others.


Though these 5 are not exhaustive or in order of priority, perhaps they can be a start for you to begin or grow in a relationship with God.  Cross Your Rubicon and know the God who made you!

The tortoise style of leadership

Once upon a time there was a hare who, boasting how he could run faster than anyone else, was forever teasing tortoise for its slowness. Then one day, the irate tortoise answered back: “Who do you think you are? There’s no denying you’re swift, but even you can be beaten!” The hare squealed with laughter.

“Beaten in a race? By whom? Not you, surely! I bet there’s nobody in the world that can win against me, I’m so speedy. Now, why don’t you try?”...
 

 

...He leaped and bounded at a great rate, his tongue lolling, and gasping for breath. Just a little more and he’d be first at the finish. But the hare’s last leap was just too late, for the tortoise had beaten him to the winning post. Poor hare! Tired and in disgrace, he slumped down beside the tortoise who was silently smiling at him.  “Slowly does it every time!” he said.

Slow and steady wins the race

This story by Aesop has given me great contemplation this week. Watch the 1934 Disney version of the story to refresh your memory.  I have come to the realization that the tortoise had the goods.  He would have made a great leader.  How?  Remember...

1)  Faithful consistency - people will follow someone they can trust.  That is demonstrated by a sticking to it no matter what.  That means every day, every week, every year.  Keep going no matter how much you are taunted or mocked.

2) Anything accomplished over night can be lost in the same amount of time - the greatest successes take time and cost much.  Don't give up. It is worth it. You will have the satisfaction of winning!

3) Confidence must be developed from within not affirmed from without - Where were the tortoise's cheerleaders and entourage?  He believed he could win and had no one to impress.

4) Don't judge a book by it's cover - The tortoise was everyone's last choice, yet he won the race.  You may not look like a leader, but you can be.  Anyone can be!

Everyone wants to be a hare (or act like it any way).  Yet remember, it was the tortoise who won the race.  Everyone wants to be in charge, but not everyone wants to be a leader.  How about you? 

Cross your Rubicon and be the leader that God has created you to be!

Dealing with the guilt of past wrongs.

With St. Patrick's Day and childhood memories resurfacing, I was compelled to share how I have dealt with the guilt of passed wrongs, whether you have dome them to someone else or they have done them to you.


Be encouraged as I bring you my blog LIVE on tape (huh?!?)...

Who have you wronged that you need to go back to and make right?  Cross your Rubicon and make ammends.

$250 bucks to change a village.

           Three years ago my wife, Cathleen, and I went to Burkina Faso in West Africa with Operation Christmas Child, a ministry of Samaritan’s Purse.  (BTW – Burkina Faso is one of the top ten poorest nations in the world.)  You can get a personal YouTube tour by me.

            While there we met Gregoire, an energetic and God loving man from Burkina Faso who has a passion to connect his people with the life transforming message of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  To see Gregoire share and sing with the hundreds of the children was inspiring.

Me, Gregoire, and Cathleen in Burkina Faso in 2009

           We did our best to communicate with Gregoire as our French and Moore (local language) was not good at all.  Gregoire’s English was not much better.  But a relationship was founded and we exchanged e-mail addresses. 

            In one of our e-mails from Gregoire about a year after we left, he shared his desire and calling for ministry training but could not afford it.  He asked me if we could help him.  Well… my “spidey sence” started tingling as anyone knows how careful you have to be when someone from a poor nation asks you for money.   However, I checked with the missionary who runs the Bible Training Institute in the capital city of Burkina Faso, (as he was our team leader when we were there with OCC), and he suggested we send the money to him a the school and he will make sure that it gets used as a scholarship.  The cost for a solid year of bible training?... $250.  Wow!  What a bargain!  So we did it.

            I continued to communicate with Gregoire during his year of training and his graduation last year.  But the best part came in an e-mail I received this week. 

Gregoire is planting a church in a remote village in Burkina Faso!

Gregoire and a worker standing in front of the future church building

           It all happened through relationship and $250 bucks.  A new church is being planted in Burkina Faso and a man has crossed his Rubicon to answer God’s call in the worst of conditions.  Best of all?  We are a part of it!  Cathleen and I crossed a Rubicon many years ago.  That Rubicon was a commitment to live modestly and give generously.  It requires a choice though, a choice of living without more “stuff”.   

What “stuff” could you live without or could you scale down so someone else could have?  Cross Your Rubicon of living generously and watch what God does!

A life unlived...

I didn't know Spencer Watson Seupel. The first I heard of him was this week. A 21 year old student at Penn State from High Falls, NY, Spencer loved sports and aspired to be a doctor. That all ended early Friday, February 17th in a drinking binge that had become a regular thing since his freshman year. It was a suicide. Spencer is gone.

My heart and thoughts went out to Spencer's family. The pain and the anguish of a life unfinished. The possibilities and hopes not to be completed. Who could Spencer have become? What was the plan for the years of his life that lay ahead now gone? Forever.

How about me? What am I doing with my life? What about you? What are you doing with your life? Will our lives end in tragedy from unhealed pains and selfish choices?

We have each been created for a purpose. We have each been uniquely fashioned for a special plan that can only be discovered by turning over the trash heaps of our lives to the God who created us. He knows your name. He knows your every thought. He sees each tear that falls and hears you when you call.

Live the life you were meant to live. Live it for Spencer's sake. Live it for all unfinished lives' sake. Live it for God's sake.

Leave the pain and cross your rubicon.

Crossing my first Rubicon... February 19th, 1982

This past week I got sick.  I mean, REAL sick.  I mean, I had never seen colors like THAT come out of my mouth AND my nose before. Sorry.  Too much information? But it was the worst sick of the digestive kind I have ever experienced.  And I couldn't stop it.  They said it was some virus that was going around.  For me it was three days of exhaustion preceded by the first six hours of recurring abdominal hell.

As I felt better later in the week I started thinking about being THAT sick and I realized something.  My body was made to do that.  An infection got in.  My radar system detected the intruder, sounded the alarm and all FLUSH OUT levers were activated.  My body said, "we are flushing this baby outa here! "  And so the trauma began as my body battled the "deadly foe".

Something similar happened to me in a spiritual sense 30 years ago today.  A virus got into my system years earlier, before I was born in fact and was wreaking havoc until my spiritual condition reached a critical point and something had to change.  But, there is a difference between then and this past week. Then I wanted and encouraged this "virus" to grow in my life.  I invited it and fed it.  I allowed it.  I chose it.  This virus that paralyzed my life until February 19th, 1982 is called sin.  Not a pretty word, but neither was the stuff coming out of me this past week.  You may say, "Come on, Tom.  I'm basically good."  I thought that too!  Yet theologian R.C Sproul shockingly puts perspective in place by saying, "if you think about it, we are more like Adolph Hitler than Jesus Christ."  At our core we are not good.

I was a sarcastic, self-centered, isolationist.  I cared about ME, and you can ask those who knew me then if you doubt my words.  Bouts of depression through high school, an impregnated girlfriend with a subsequent abortion and a suicide attempt landed me in New York Psychiatric Hospital on February 18th, 1982.  There in that small room, at age 19, all that my life had come to became a reality that proved there is nothing good in me.  The next night, February 19th, 1982, in that hospital, with the reality of my terminal virus (my sin) pressing on me, I sat on the floor and called out to a God who I was not sure was there or really cared.  I was about to cross my first Rubicon.  In that stillness a voice answered.  Nothing I heard out loud, but a voice I knew was not me.  Was I pschyco? Perhaps.  This still voice showed me all my life had come to was because of my choices, my self centered choices, but if I was willing to surrender my life to Jesus Christ, He would cure my virus of sin and give my life the purpose and meaning that He had created me for.

So... I vomited.  I vomited words.  They heaved out of me like this past week.  Regrets, bad choices and decisions, I took responsibility for my sinful life and it poured out of me for 15 or more minutes.  It was my first true confession.  I asked Jesus to forgive me, to take my sins.  After all, He paid the price for my cure with His own life on the cross.  I gave Him my life to use as He would.  He healed me and cleansed me and forgave me right there on the floor in that psychiatric hospital that night 30 years ago.  

In front of what was NY Psychiatric Hospital, White Plains, NY, this past January

That crisis, that moment, caused me to cross my first rubicon.  There would be many others to come, but I am so grateful that He has done for me what I could not do for myself.  The virus of sin still affects my life.  Yet the Wounded Healer of my soul is there to forgive and free me.

I challenge you if you have not taken that first step, do it!  To Cross Your Rubicon means to take a step where there is no turning back.  To abandon yourself to the course set.  Our Creator has made you to fulfill His purpose for your life.   

Cross Your Rubicon and don't look back!